Real Funda of the Girlfriends

Tere Aur  USKE Beech mein kuch chal raha hai Kya ???

KYA PROBLEM KYA HAI ???

Problem yeh hai ki woh ladki hai. aur kya problem hai
Problem yeh hai ki main chahata hoon ki meri life mein koiye problem na ho
Lekin agar meri life mein koiye problem na ho toh yeh uski life ki sabse badi problem hai...

And bull shit she is worried yaar use to celebrate karna chahiye tha
She is in this exactly what she wants

Seriously yaar aajkal jab bhi wo muh kholti man karta hai muh me kuch stuff kardoon

Trust me yaar cheih mahinom me I have had it all Sab dekhliya meine
Kaunsi pyaar Kaisi relationship?
Kahin ki khushiya?

Relationship ka matlab ye rehta hai an end to your own happiness

Uske baad all you have to worry about is uski khushiyaan uska birthday
uske kutte ka birthday

Uska new year to kabhi tumhara bhi new year tha

In ladkiyon ko na koi khush nahi rakh sakta

A happy woman is a myth

Tu batman wali ki dekh le
Saala Jab tak saala batman nahi bana
tab tak bolti rahi
tum toh kuch karte nahi ho
nakara ho
napunshak ho
main tum jaise insaan ke saath kaise reh sakti hu
jisdin bechara batman ban gaya
us din boli
tum toh batman ban gaye
mujhe toh ek normal insaan chahiye tha
main tumhare saath kaise reh sakti hu

Sab saalan na in bollywood kahaniyon ka dosh hai

Bloody bollywood romantic masaala
Ek ladka ek ladki dono ko pyaar hua Dono saath saath Film khatam

Is ke baad ka story koi nahi batata Iske baad ki kahaani mein batata hoon

Iske baad ladke ne ladki ko do din hug nahi kiya To problem
Hug kiya to chape ho rahe ho Itna bhi achcha nahi lagta

Saale Shopping khatam nahi hoti inki Pehle cushion laye fir curtain laye
cushion, curtain se match nahi kiye toh aur cushion laye
mere ghar mein mug itne hai ki unko bechne jaoon
toh mahine ka kharcha nikal aaye

Ek to jo cheez lena hai wo leke nahi ayegi do hafte dimag chatenge ki
table lena hai table lena hai
5 ghante maal me bitake ek sadhi si chappal utha kar layenge
aur fir agle do hafte dimag chatenge
table lena hai table lena hai...

Offic e me kaam kar raha hoon
Phone aa jayega

Phone utathe hi bol deta hoon
Baat nahi kar sakta

Kitna mushkil hai ye baat samajhna?
Do minute karloge to kya ho jayega

Are do minute karloonga to tumhe kya miledi meri maan

Thik se to kar paoonga nahi

Aur iske baad I love you bole bina phone kaataan to naatak

Sabse jyada dimaag ki dahi is mobile phone ne ki hai...

Kitna ghatiya invention hai saala

Trust me I say patta hai saala patta...

ek toh ...inke ad bhi dekho
lo ji 1 paisa per second
aur phone karo
aur phone karo
aare call sasti ho jaane se baat thodi na badh jati hai karne ko
fir iska jawab unhe bhi do
tumhare pass baat kyon nahi hai karne ko
you have lost interest in me
tumhe hoon hoon hi karna atha toh maine tumhe phone hi kyon kiya???
are meri maa mujhe kya pata tune mujhe phone kyon kiya???
jake bharti mittal se puch na...

tujhe main bata raha hoon
us ad mein kutta nahi kutia hai...
seriously
mein shart laga sakta hoon...

Tujhe kya lagta hai

Columbus ko pata nahi tha wo india nahi jaa raha tha

Glati se pahoonch gaya?

Usko to pata tha

Wo bechara to kahin door jaan chahta tha

Biwi ki chakkar me bolna pada India jaa raha hoon

Nah to das sawaal poochti

Kahaan jaa rahe ho
Kyon jaa rahe ho

Achcha tumhe pata bhi nahi kahaan jaa rahe ho?
Seedhe seedhe kyon nahi bolte ki mujhse kahin door jaan chahte ho/

Aaj tak bechare ka mazaak udati hai duniya

Office me kaam kar raha hoon
Sms aajayega
I love you
Thik hai mein bhi sms karleta hoon

I love you too
Iske baad sms pe sms shuroo

abey kaam kya karti hai office mein???

Do sms ka reply mat karna

Turant Phone aa jayega

Phone mat uthaa
To dus min me message aa chuka hoga

I don't think its working anymore

Dus min me Babu I love you to
I don't think its working anymore

And this is when they are not even down

Ab pata chala ye aadmiyon ko itne heart attack kyon aate hain

Aur yeh…. gay bande itne successful kyon hote hai???

Because they don't have a woman to screw their happiness na

Log kehte hain na behind every successful man, there is a woman
True

But koi ye nahi bataata ki
behind every unsuccessful man, also there is a woman

Aur ye to koi bhi bata sakta hai na

Ki unsuccessful logon ka taadaath

Successful logon se kayi guna zyada hai is duniya me

Saala Office me kaam kar raha hoon

Keh raha hoon late ho jaaonga

To khaana nahi khayegi

Phir bhooki so jayegi

Are mein keh raha hoon na khana khalo

Kya karoon naukri chod doon?

saale ghar jaao

Pehle Inhe manao inhe khilao

Uske baad khud ki bhookh to aise hi mar jaati hai

Is sab ke baad bhi insaan kisi tarah

Kone me jaake shaanti se baitha hua hai chup chaap to gaya

Gadi gadi
kya soch rahe ho???

kya soch rahe ho???
kya soch rahe ho???

Are kuch nahi soch raha meri maa
yeh soch raha hoon ki tera mooh kaise band karu...
kya soch raha hoon
camera laga doon dimag mein...

Is sab ke baad
We never talk
We need to talk

I don't think its working any more

And mein tumhe bata raha hoon

You cannot discuss anything with a woman

Because they call it a discussion

But any discussion with a woman is an argument

Aur argument mein toh tu boss unse jeet hi nahi sakta…

Because hum aadmiyon ki ek basic need hoti hai

To make sense in an argument

Ladkiyon ko koi farak nahi padta

Sense jaise bekaasi cheez ki wajeh se wo

Argument kaise haar jaye

Ek to aaj ki baat pe argument aaj hoga hi nahi

aaj ki baat par jhagada hoga do mahine baad...
Yahaan saala yaad hi nahi rehta hai do mahine pehle hua kya tha???

Ladkiyaan bacha ke rakhti hain
yeh chota hatiyar nahi
bada hatiyar hai
isse badi ladai mein use karenge…

TU kabhi try karliyo khud ko sahi saabit karne ki

Tujhe lag hi raha haoga ki is point se tu apni baat ko ssabit karlega

Lekin tabhi ek awaaz ayegi

Ungli neeche karoo

Tune dhyaan bhi nahi diya hoga

Lekin tumhari nadaan si ungli unki taraf point kar rahi hogi

And suddenly , the whole argument will flush down the gutter
And mudra ye reh jayega ki

How dare you point a finger at me?

Kisne banaya ye rule

Kisne banaya?

Saal wo beech argument me tumhe jhoota phek ke maarle to koi dikkat nahi

Lekin unki taraf ek ungli point kardo

Saara mudra khatam

Wo sahi tum galat

Shaadi se pehle wo nagin tune kyon bhajta hai

Kyon ki band wala bhi tumhe chetaavani de raha hoga ki kaun aa raha hai tumhari zindagi me

Inka signature tune hai wo

Ab ye bata wo kya karne aayi thi tere paas yahaan

Same cheez mein karoon to

Uske kisi friend ko call karke
Ab ye problems ginaoon to

Kahegi tumne meir friend ko call kiya
Hmm hmm

Tum uski sympathy gain karna chahte ho?

Y don't you go and sleep with her?

Its ridiculous yaar

Pappu(Executive) ki Kavita

Pareshaan thi Pappu ki wife
Non-happening thi jo uski life
Pappu ko na milta tha aaram
Office main karta kaam hi kaam

Pappu ke boss bhi the bade cool
Promotion ko har baar jate the bhul
Par bhulte nahi the wo deadline
Kaam to karwate the roz till nine

Pappu bhi banna chata tha best
Isliye to wo nahi karta tha rest
Din raat karta wo boss ki gulami
Appraisal ke ummid main deta salami

Din guzre aur guzre fir saal
Bura hota gaya Pappu ka haal
Pappu ko ab kuch yaad na rehta tha
Galti se Biwi ko Behenji kehta tha

Aakhir ek din Pappu ko samjh aaya
Aur chod di usne Appraisal ki moh maya
Boss se bola, "Tum kyon satate ho ?"
"Appraisal ke laddu se buddu banate ho"

"Promotion do warna chala jaunga"
"Appraisal dene par bhi wapis na aunga"
Boss haans ke bola "Nahi koi baat"
"Abhi aur bhi Pappus hai mere paas "

"Yeh duniya Pappuon se bhari hai"
"Sabko bas aage badhne ki padi hai"
"Tum na karoge to kisi aur se karaunga"
"Tumhari tarah Ek aur Pappu banaunga"

The Art of Appraisal

Big Boss: This year your performance was good, excellent and outstanding. So, your rating is "average".

Kumar: What? How come 'average'?

Big Boss: Because...err...uhh...you lack domain knowledge.

Kumar: But last year you said I am a domain expert and you put me in this project as a domain consultant.

Big Boss: Oh is it? Well, in that case, I think your domain knowledge has eroded this year.

Kumar: What???

Big Boss: Yes, I didn't see you sharing knowledge on Purchasing domain.

Kumar: Why would I? Because I am not in Purchasing, I am in Manufacturing.

Big Boss: This is what I don't like about you. You give excuse for everything.

Kumar: Huh? *Confused*

Big Boss: Next, you need to improve your communication skills.

Kumar: Like what? I am the one who trained the team on "Business Communication", you sat in the audience and took notes, you remember?

Big Boss: Oh is it? Errr...well..I mean, you need to improve your Social Pragmatic Affirmative Communication.

Kumar: Huh? What the hell is that? *Confused*

Big Boss: See! That's why you need to learn about it.

Kumar: *head spinning*

Big Boss: Next, you need to sharpen your recruiting skills. All the guys you recruited left within 2 months.

Kumar: Well, not my mistake. You told them you will sit beside them and review their code, and most resigned the next day itself. Couple of them even attempted suicide.

Big Boss:*stunned* (recovers from shock) Err...anyway, I tried to give you a better rating, but our Normalization process gave you only 'average'.

Kumar: Last year that process gave me 'excellent'. This year just 'average'? Why is this process pushing me up and down every year?

Big Boss: That's a complicated process. You don't want to hear.

Kumar: I'll try to understand. Go ahead.

Big Boss: Well, we gather in a large room, write down the names of sub-ordinates in bits of paper, and throw them up in the air. Whichever lands on the floor gets 'average', whichever lands on table gets 'good', whichever we manage to catch gets 'excellent' and whichever gets stuck to ceiling gets 'outstanding'.

Kumar: (eyes popping out) What? Ridiculous! So who gets 'poor' rating?

Big Boss: Those are the ones we forget to write down.

Kumar: What the hell! And how can paper bits stick to ceiling for 'outstanding'?

Big Boss: Oh no, now you have started questioning our 20 year old organizational process!

Kumar: *faints*

Really Nice and Meaningful Message

Accept the Pain, Future will be Fruitful


Don't feel the work you are doing is pain, because there will be always a
reason for that pain or work.

So face the pain, for the pain you face, there will be definitely
happiness ahead.


"Don't ask for a lighter load, but pray god for a stronger back"

We Idiots from Management

Saari umr hum
Reports main jee liye
Ek pal to ab humein
Jeene do Jeene do !!!
Na na na..Na na na..Na na na..Na na nana na..


Give me some Leave
Give me some train
Give me another chance
I wanna go home once again
Kandhon ko MIS
Ke bojh ne jhukaya
jhoot bolna tho khud
manager ne sikhaya
Target complete to chhuti, varna kismat futi
Likh likh kar pada hatheli par
TGT, ACH & DRR ka chaala
Finance Team ne poora..
Poora bheja pakka daala
career to gaya
GF bhi gayi
Ek pal to ab humein
Jeene do Jeene do
Saari umr hum
Reports main jee liye
Ek pal to ab humein Jeene do
Jeene do
Na na na..Na na na..Na na na..Na na nana na..

Give me some Leave
Give me some train
Give me another chance
I wanna go home once again
Give me some Leave
Give me some train
Give me another chance
I wanna go home once again

Na na na..Na na na..Na na na..Na na nana na..
Na na na..Na na na..Na na na..Na na nana na..